10/8/2023 0 Comments Three golden rules of farming![]() ![]() With in five minutes of smoke appearing out of your harvester thirty neighbours will have pulled up with their fire units. You gain some respect at a bushfire when you roar past all the Landcruisers bogged to the axles in sand in your little Suzuki Stockman. You get no respect when you turn up at a bushfire in a little Suzuki Stockman with a 500L fire unit. Before calling the neighbour to collect their cow you've just shot for wandering into your crop for the tenth time, first be absolutely sure it's not actually your cow. Driving across a freshly seeded paddock is punishable by death. Turning up the next day with a ute load of sheep is not a good look. Before accusing the recieval depot operator of pinching your stock when the numbers are short on delivery, check the paddock you mustered first. Live export companies don't know what Christmas, Easter or Public Holidays are. That magic time of the day just before dark when the crops look ten times better and the stock ten times fatter is known as Bank Managers Hour. Then they tread on the top of your foot just past where the steel cap finishes. Sheep always tread on your toes when in the yards. You can fix anything on a Honda engine with a 10mm spanner. The drive shaft on the field bins only break when they are full, never when they are empty. Grain trucks fill much quicker with the roll tarps off. The bigger the droplet of hot slag the more likely it is to fall down the front of your boot. Unless your wife is holding for you, then it seems to divert through her. When welding, the electric current takes the most direct route from electrode to earth clamp. It is poor form to offer your wife welding gloves after you have given her third degree burns. Stockies can be covered from head to toe in dust, mud, blood, shit and piss, but one drop of hydraulic oil and they lose their freakin' minds. ![]() Dogs with thousands of acres to roam crap on the lawn. ![]() The distance a loose lamb squirts while in the marking cradle is proportional to how wide your mouth is open. The motor that will not start for your wife after hours of trying starts first time when you try. ![]()
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